Theodor Herzl Reincarnated on the Moon

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To avoid religious strife and wars, all loonies have converted into Lubaviche Judaism by a visiting spirit of Theodor Herzl. Mr. Herzl’s spirit had been trapped in the 4th dimension for several decades as he had been looking, to no avail, for a safe and peaceful place to reincarnate. The grateful MoOn inhabitants reconstructed his body in their image and granted him the position of the Principal Priestess at the Sahara Temple. Herzl had to be explained that this was a more honorable title than his old earthly Chozeh HaMedinah, though it expressed a similar meaning.

Herzl announced that this was his 13th—and most successful— reincarnation and that he is now inhabiting a woman’s body and soul.

Following this planet-wide religious conversion,  A Yiddishe Momme became the national anthem on the MoOn. It had to be transcribed into Python, the native lunar language, using the latest advances in Digital Analytics, the gurus of which are residing in the very first Selenic Grand NanoDome in their capital city MaNo.

Frankfurt School Protests Neo-Nazi and Trump

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On Friday night Karl Marx who, following popular demand, was reconstructed last year, visited the Frankfurt school lunar habitat for dinner. His sidekick, Friedrich, did not follow him to dinner saying that he doesn’t feel comfortable in the company of only partially rehabilitated males. Engels, in fact, has completed his gender transition and rehabilitation in record time, and even started referring to himself as the Mother, rather than the father of feminism.

A meal started out in high spirits, however, by the time the dessert was served everyone moved into the telecasts dome and watched Donald Trump’s 3rd attempt to comment on the tragic Charlottesville events. The mood then quickly turned sour. Marx, especially, did not take the comparison to the Nazis in stride. He reminded his DWM comrades how often, after reading his so-called followers’ “mind-boggling claptrap,” he stated that he was “not a Marxist.”

Illustration by Patrick Bremer

That night he, Theodor W. Adorno, and Antonio Gramsci were overheard having a serious fight. Loonies were surprise to see Karl’s hair covered with what appeared from a distance as large amount of ashes. Since the Selenic atmosphere does not support the combustion process, this sighting gave rise to some wild speculations.

Marx was seen running around the dome in circles, tearing his clothes, and pouring more grey stuff on his head. He was overheard screaming: Schlimazl, moyshe kapoyer, gonif  and, Ich gehe plotz! Das ist alles fercockt, fercockt!

Gramci was sitting on the ground alternating between sobbing and screaming, Vaffanculo, stupido grande! Non è colpa mia! Non è colpa mia!

While Adorno appeared distraught and was overheard mumbling alter kocker and F-fucking Scale to no one in particular.

Adorno was later seen wondering into the Trump’s supporters camp, situated by the local watering hole, inhabited by the newest wave of the terrestrial DWM reconstructs, who had died mostly of natural causes, such as severe constipation, untreated due to the very high health insurance premiums blamed on the Obamacare. He was reported running around and yelling, F-fucking Scale, conventionalism, authoritarian submission, Unbewusste Emotionale Impulse, anti-intellectualism, authoritarian aggression, Allgemeine Feindseligkeit , anti-intraceptionsuperstition and stereotypy, Leistung und Zähheit, projectivity, Übertriebene Bedenken bezüglich sexueller Geschehnisse, and F-fucking impotent for several hours.

 The following day, he and Gramci were reported to appear in front of the city hall Nonagon, both weeping, with a huge banner saying Widerstandsfähigkeit Is Futile on the front and Hasta la Vista, Baby on the back.

Moon is populated by humanoid race of Loonies

Even though the experiments on human reconstruction have been carried out in secret for a long time through costly and prolonged experimentation, Da Costa and Delacourt’s remains were reconstructed into first ever embodied AI by a recently developed method of nanocrystallization of oxidized nanocelluloses which were electrospun into composite nanofibers. The inorganic-organic nature of these nanofibers, with their dramatically improved interfacial adhesion, allows them to be further spun into the fibers at regular human scale dimension. And these precisely were the fibers used to weave the new bodies of Jessica and Max. From a distance they resembled popular field constructions used by farmers the world over.

Max and Jessica’s children’s sexual orientation cannot be determined as they all lacked both the primary and the secondary sexual characteristics. On closer examination, however, they all resemble females. NASA scientist explained to our special correspondent, Boris Ridgeoff,  that the asexual reproduction can only produce this primitive primordial gender anyway. Boris was able to interview a prominent Reddit user, RabidTheropithecus, a close confidante of Alex Jones, who confided into him that the moon inhabitants, spawned by Da Costa and Delacourt, possess neither body fluids nor bone marrow, as the near vacuum selenian conditions would cause any body fluids to burst out.

At this point, it is not exactly clear who was involved in the reconstruction and who paid for it. However, RabidTheropithecus stated that everyone suspect that Queen Elizabeth and the Chinese Chapter of the order of Illuminati were involved. At the time of printing this has not been confirmed.





Alex Jones apologized about this previous “erroneous” statements regarding NASA’s juvenile slave colonies on Mars. Mr. Jones told the prominent British journalist, who wished to remain anonymous, that those children slave colonies were actually located not on Mars, but on the Moon. Alex Jones’ interview was published in Monday’s edition of the respectable Tuesday Post.


Consequently, it was further revealed that Max Da Costa and Jessica Delacourt, who we all witnessed to be blown to pieces on Elysium, did not, in fact, die. Their scattered remains were collected by advanced methods of Vacuum Harvesting and, occasionally, by hand. Da Costa’s and Delacourt’s cellular and tissue remains were separately reconstructed using positionally-controlled guided mechanosynthesis and placed on the Moon, as their new bodies could no longer sustain terrestrial gravity.

While being alone on the Moon, Max and Jessica, after the initial despair, fell in love, got married, and procreated thousands of progeny by methods of asexual reproduction. Due to the properties of lunar surface and atmospheric conditions, the children never reached their parents’ height and most grew up to be maximum 125 centimetre tall. Mr. Jones believes, it this particular outcome that got the observers misguided about the age of these extraterrestrial beings and to erroneously conclude that they were enslaved by the NASA scientists.

Life on the Moon Confirmed by North Korea

Millennia-old hopes and beliefs that there is life on the Moon have finally gained ground after Tyler Glockner and his associates discovered footage of sightings that show what appears to be buildings and highways on the surface of our only heavenly sputnik. Glockner stated last week that this footage had been kept secret and concealed by NASA for over two decades. Meanwhile, a prominent Russian former astronaut, who asked to remain anonymous, related in the interview with the RF news agency, New Normalnost’, that she has little doubts there is life on the Moon.

This scientific breakthrough, as our sources reveal, came during the recent Solar eclipse event on August 21, 2017. Using the highly advanced Nanoscale telescope lens, developed by the North Korean scientists, which on the day of the eclipse were focused on the certain spots on the Moon while it was directly in front of the Sun, the Maoist astrophysics were able to clearly discern not only the sophisticated structures on the Moon, but even its humanoid inhabitants.

Furthermore, Richard Hoagland—a former NASA consultant—confirmed to our special correspondent, Lunatic Ridge, that he personally has often observed “numerous geometric ground features,” such as colossal 3-D pyramidal and octagonal shapes, exhibiting highly unusual and evidently non-earth origin and nonregular polytope numbers. An occasional presence of such lunar non-Euclidean geometric structures as numerous, clearly discernible during the eclipse Poincaré hyperbolic disks, was further revealed by the application of that high-accuracy advanced telescopic nono-lens, installed on at the observatories in the mountainous regions of the Korean peninsula.

George Monbiot on system change

We need a radical change driven by the need to prevent this catastrophe, to both politics and economics. An economic system which depends which depends on the perpetual growth on a finite planet is destined to deliver disasters. We need a new economy built around the commons, built around community ownership of local resources, enabling ownership of those resources, which are not expected to deliver more, and more, and more money but is expected to deliver continued and steady prosperity to the people in those communities and the people of this planet. The system we have at the moment which is about the accumulation of capital, the continuation of growth on a planet that does not itself grow, that system is destined to push us over the cliff.

George Monbiot today on DemocracyNow! August 31/17