Today loonies were very excited by the new revelations that Hillary Clinton—bitter, enraged, despondent after her unexpected election loss last year— is considering immigrating to the MoOn. As reported to us by her personal aid, who wished to remain anonymous, Clinton has not decided yet if she wished to visit our silver Rock alive and in her own body or would rather throw herself off a cliff and get post mortally transformatively reincarnated into the ultimate fiber-reinforced Super feminoid. A powerful former first lady, senator, and secretary of state will have to learn that structure of the social fabric in the Land of the MoOn, especially on the Far Side, is quite unlike the one she has been accustomed to on her corrupt home planet. Loonies do not have the so-called “representative democracy,” thus she will not be able to run for an office, as there are no offices or elections here. In due time, however, as her age will have advanced and she will have gained some selenic wisdom, she may be recommended to join the Lunar governing body, the Supreme Authority of the Selenic Safta Yishuv (SASSY) as an Apprentice Oracle.
It’s not yet clear if her hubby is going to tag alone, but he might be seduced by the all feminoid planetary environment.
Loonies, the humanoid species presently awake on the Far Side of the MoOn, were all abuzz today, Sep. 10, digesting the breaking news from their Attachment Planet, Terra. As first reported by Boris Ridgeoff, our Terra-based correspondent, the American president, Donald Trump, has switched his party membership.
Speculation abound, as various commentators rushed to comment and the oracles rushed to predict the future of American and world politics and the overall chances of survival of the current terrestrial civilization. The selenic AI operators were put into function overload mode in the push to transcribe all the commentaries into the loonies’ native language, Pathon n-2. The following is a transcribed report of the breaking news by our special correspondent, Lunatic Ridge.
At an unannounced and unexpected rally in Panguitch, Utah, before a cheering crowd of what appeared to be the majority of the adult population there, and flanked by his entire family, including all of his grandchildren, president Donald Trump took the crowd by surprise when he announced he was switching political parties—again—going back to being a Democrat.
The 45th president of the United State of America told his bewildered supporters, “Today, I will tell you, with lots of prayers and lots of thinking, and lots of cable news watching, I can’t help you anymore being a GOP President. So, tomorrow, I will be changing my registration to Democrat. I want to be popular with every American”, Donald continued, “not just with the bunch of losers, like yourself.” While the crowd of supporters and a nearby small pack of protesters appeared to be stunned and began the process of digesting this announcement, the president’s security detail grabbed Mr. and Mrs. Trump and his family members, and whisked them away.