Posted on by Lunaticridge

Moon is populated by humanoid race of Loonies

Even though the experiments on human reconstruction have been carried out in secret for a long time through costly and prolonged experimentation, Da Costa and Delacourt’s remains were reconstructed into first ever embodied AI by a recently developed method of nanocrystallization of oxidized nanocelluloses which were electrospun into composite nanofibers. The inorganic-organic nature of these nanofibers, with their dramatically improved interfacial adhesion, allows them to be further spun into the fibers at regular human scale dimension. And these precisely were the fibers used to weave the new bodies of Jessica and Max. From a distance they resembled popular field constructions used by farmers the world over.

Max and Jessica’s children’s sexual orientation cannot be determined as they all lacked both the primary and the secondary sexual characteristics. On closer examination, however, they all resemble females. NASA scientist explained to our special correspondent, Boris Ridgeoff,  that the asexual reproduction can only produce this primitive primordial gender anyway. Boris was able to interview a prominent Reddit user, RabidTheropithecus, a close confidante of Alex Jones, who confided into him that the moon inhabitants, spawned by Da Costa and Delacourt, possess neither body fluids nor bone marrow, as the near vacuum selenian conditions would cause any body fluids to burst out.

At this point, it is not exactly clear who was involved in the reconstruction and who paid for it. However, RabidTheropithecus stated that everyone suspect that Queen Elizabeth and the Chinese Chapter of the order of Illuminati were involved. At the time of printing this has not been confirmed.

 

 

 

Posted on by Lunaticridge

ALEX JONES APOLOGIZES ABOUT HIS STATEMENT REGARDING SLAVE COLONIES ON MARS

Alex Jones apologized about this previous “erroneous” statements regarding NASA’s juvenile slave colonies on Mars. Mr. Jones told the prominent British journalist, who wished to remain anonymous, that those children slave colonies were actually located not on Mars, but on the Moon. Alex Jones’ interview was published in Monday’s edition of the respectable Tuesday Post.

 

Consequently, it was further revealed that Max Da Costa and Jessica Delacourt, who we all witnessed to be blown to pieces on Elysium, did not, in fact, die. Their scattered remains were collected by advanced methods of Vacuum Harvesting and, occasionally, by hand. Da Costa’s and Delacourt’s cellular and tissue remains were separately reconstructed using positionally-controlled guided mechanosynthesis and placed on the Moon, as their new bodies could no longer sustain terrestrial gravity.

While being alone on the Moon, Max and Jessica, after the initial despair, fell in love, got married, and procreated thousands of progeny by methods of asexual reproduction. Due to the properties of lunar surface and atmospheric conditions, the children never reached their parents’ height and most grew up to be maximum 125 centimetre tall. Mr. Jones believes, it this particular outcome that got the observers misguided about the age of these extraterrestrial beings and to erroneously conclude that they were enslaved by the NASA scientists.