Posted on by Lunaticridge

Hillary Clinton Considers Emigrating to MoOn

Today loonies were very excited by the new revelations that Hillary Clinton—bitter, enraged, despondent after her unexpected election loss last year— is considering immigrating to the MoOn. As reported to us by her personal aid, who wished to remain anonymous, Clinton has not decided yet if she wished to visit our silver Rock alive and in her own body or would rather throw herself off a cliff and get post mortally transformatively reincarnated into the ultimate fiber-reinforced Super feminoid. A powerful former first lady, senator, and secretary of state will have to learn that structure of the social fabric in the Land of the MoOn, especially on the Far Side, is quite unlike the one she has been accustomed to on her corrupt home planet. Loonies do not have the so-called “representative democracy,” thus she will not be able to run for an office, as there are no offices or elections here. In due time, however, as her age will have advanced and she will have gained some selenic wisdom, she may be recommended to join the Lunar governing body, the Supreme Authority of the Selenic Safta Yishuv (SASSY) as an Apprentice Oracle.

It’s not yet clear if her hubby is going to tag alone, but he might be seduced by the all feminoid planetary environment.

Posted on by Lunaticridge

Moon is populated by humanoid race of Loonies

Even though the experiments on human reconstruction have been carried out in secret for a long time through costly and prolonged experimentation, Da Costa and Delacourt’s remains were reconstructed into first ever embodied AI by a recently developed method of nanocrystallization of oxidized nanocelluloses which were electrospun into composite nanofibers. The inorganic-organic nature of these nanofibers, with their dramatically improved interfacial adhesion, allows them to be further spun into the fibers at regular human scale dimension. And these precisely were the fibers used to weave the new bodies of Jessica and Max. From a distance they resembled popular field constructions used by farmers the world over.

Max and Jessica’s children’s sexual orientation cannot be determined as they all lacked both the primary and the secondary sexual characteristics. On closer examination, however, they all resemble females. NASA scientist explained to our special correspondent, Boris Ridgeoff,  that the asexual reproduction can only produce this primitive primordial gender anyway. Boris was able to interview a prominent Reddit user, RabidTheropithecus, a close confidante of Alex Jones, who confided into him that the moon inhabitants, spawned by Da Costa and Delacourt, possess neither body fluids nor bone marrow, as the near vacuum selenian conditions would cause any body fluids to burst out.

At this point, it is not exactly clear who was involved in the reconstruction and who paid for it. However, RabidTheropithecus stated that everyone suspect that Queen Elizabeth and the Chinese Chapter of the order of Illuminati were involved. At the time of printing this has not been confirmed.